My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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