Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Oh god it's open bar.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
