You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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