well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
