glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I am midnight drunk by noon
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Success! We fucked roommates!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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