my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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