My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
