my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I got inside last night via doggy door
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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