So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
