So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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