I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
