I'm pants shitting drunk right now
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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