I don't usually arrange sex via text message
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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