the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize