Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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