ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
