Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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