My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
