i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
