her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
