Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
