So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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