so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
