he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
