She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
