In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
