Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
