rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
