No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
