I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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