in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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