I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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