I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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