you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
