Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
