I just saw a hot homeless man
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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