I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
last night I used snow as a chaser
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
