i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The air was thick with penises
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
