Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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