Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
