oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
