I looked at my own cervix.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
