i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
