I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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