I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
