thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize