I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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