So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
