I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
