my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
