while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
