you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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