Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
