You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
