Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
