wanna go halves on a baby?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
