She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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