You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
