I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
