That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
