wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
