he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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